As a reward for snoozing so long this afternoon, I bought myself the baby this dress and a few other goodies from Polarn O. Pyret. There is a sale on people!
Because, if I’m not mistaken, one of the main reasons to have a baby is to dress him or her in tiny versions of what you yourself want to wear. Am I right?
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I could tell you that the mess on this child’s face isn’t crystalized sugar and donut cream…but why lie? I do remember a certain version of myself when I was like ‘my child won’t eat refined sugar blah blah something something.’ I had a point, there is a childhood obesity epidemic after all. But also…I have to let her LIVE life. And also, a donut keeps her in a seat at Mr. Donut for like 23 minutes.
Just ignore the devil/Satan television machine, and realize that my child is totally fixated by a hockey game. She claps when someone, anyone at all really, scores. She yells out when the crowd screams. And her dad beams. And I sit in the corner and read in peace and pretend I can’t hear hockey noises. It’s working for everyone.
I bought this garland in a classic, bad parenting moment at the 100yen shop after the baby had discovered it in the aisle we were browsing and started going absolutely bat shit crazy every time I tried to take it away from her so I simply bought it instead. That bat shit craziness continued when I tried to prevent her from destroying it at home. So she destroyed it. In the spirit of Christmas. I used a broom on it later.
Our child may have a slight dog obsession. I have no idea where it came from. And since our dear beloved dog babies are too many miles away to think about, I take her to the dog store so she can get her fix. A store clerk holding a puppy is like a hypnotist as far as this child is concerned, she can’t tear her eyes of them.
Last year the baby was a little blob in the arms of a very, VERY authentic Santa. This year she is a skeptic on the knee of not-so-convincing Santa-san. And instead of instantly rescuing her I left her in pure terror silent-scream-cry long enough for me to get a picture for her future wedding slide show. Poor traumatized thing.
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This shoe stole her attention for about 25 minutes. I kept thinking…I should stimulate her, teach her something, get involved. But instead I kept sipping my tea and watching. Do you know how much I’d pay for 25 minutes of uninterrupted tea sipping under normal circumstances?
Shortly after this picture was taken, all the remaining toilet paper on the roll was on the floor. And the baby sat in the pile and laughed and laughed. And when she was done, I folded it up and sat it on top of the dispenser. Who cares if it’s a little wrinkled, we wipe our BUTTS with it people. Butts.
In typical Clonk fashion, this baby really, really loves being in the nude. But Japanese apartments aren’t very…let’s just say for such a technologically advanced people, I’m not sure why they haven’t figured out something more effective than space heaters in each room. So it gets chilly. And she resists clothes. So I figure…cover the head and the feet right? RIGHT!?
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In a previous rave about Etsy, I told you about my plan to create a custom piece of art for Dave and I each year on our anniversary. That post was made in 2009 and I ended it with a promise to update you with the art chosen for our 3rd anniversary…well our 5th anniversary came and went in August, and I’ve yet to update you. So here it is, our anniversary collection, to date, in its entirity.
It all started with this watercolor of our family at the time ::hello little Falcor!:: by LaMaga (who, sadly, can’t be found on Etsy anymore). In 2008, selflesh made us a gorgeous map collage of places special to us. A simple print by SilhouetteBlue of our initials on a tree was the choice in 2009. For our fourth anniversary things went a little more graphic where the dates we met, got engaged, got married, found out we were expecting, and our anniversary that year created a print like this one by jenwoodhouse. This year I chose a silhouette of our family photo, customized for us by nelladesigns. Can you recognize the angelic baby and those adorable pooches in the ‘Drake’ family!? We’re famous!
Etsy is still one of my most commonly indulged guilty pleasures. And while I do spend a significant amount of my very limited free time browsing, my friend Abby is the queen of Etsy (2007-2010s anniversary art choices were chosen with the help of Abby as my Etsy-personal-shopper!), so check out her Treasury Tuesday if you want the cream of the Etsy crop. 
So as the baby’s first birthday approached and I scoured the earth for the perfect gift, I got the idea of starting a similar handmade tradition for her birthday. In addition to whatever gift Dave and I choose for her each year, I am going to be buying her a hat to start off each winter with.
For the inaugural birthday hat I chose amazing Etsy seller sweetbabydolly to make a custom hat (working with this seller was REALLY great, she took the rather vague ideas I had and showed me exactly what I was imagining!) to coordinate with the hilariously adorable bomber jacket given to the baby for her birthday by her Auntie Julie.
I love the jacket and I love to fancy myself really forward thinking and above gender roles, but my bald, bald little baby needs a head covering when the mercury drops…so I thought something to distinguish her as a girl in this badass jacket would be adorable. I was CORRECT. Damn you gender roles!
On this day last year, I was 39 weeks pregnant. I was one week away from giving birth, though I didn’t know that yet. I love looking at this picture of myself. I love how I loved all that weight I had gained. I love how I had NO friggin’ idea of what was coming. I love how even though I could barely sleep without my hips screaming and I definitely couldn’t so much as lay down without acid burning up my throat, I was fine with staying pregnant for…a while. I had so many lessons coming my way. So many coming still.
One of the most important things the last year has taught me is that all the time we were building relationships with important people in our lives, we were laying the groundwork of a network that will also support our daughter. I have some really, really amazing friends. More than anyone could ever ask for. But it’s not their quantity, but their quality that makes me so humbled. They have been there for me through this last year, sharing our joy, shouldering our burdens, hearing all my fears and calming my worries. Through the days, weeks, months and often in the wee hours, they have loved me and loved Dave and loved our baby and I couldn’t be more grateful for that.
One year later, I want to share with you one example of the many kindnesses done to us. On the day after the most important day of my life so far, I got an email from three friends (friends who prove the power of the internet as a tool of connection, not just a vehicle for garbage). Liz, Abby and Caitlin were sending their gift to us, complete with a card in video form (just as impressive as the gift itself) and a gift certificate for a newborn photo session with JennyLeigh (who is really amazing and lovely and talented if you live in the Dallas area!). I watched this video again today, and it speaks volumes to the adventure we were just starting that day and that continues this day…and the friends who hold our hands along the way. I am so thankful.
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We do this thing.
I clean like a maniac the day Dave is coming home from a road trip. And when he tells me how great it is to come home to such a clean house (and he does say it every time he comes home where did I find this man?!) and I pretend like I didn’t just do it in a frenzied hour and ohbytheway please don’t open that closet thanks. He pretends to believe that and never opens the closet.
Dave takes the baby and tells me to rest and says he’s not tired no not one bit. I mean yes, he says, I played 3 games in 4 days and traveled for 12 hours to get here…but you need a rest, mama! And I pretend to believe him and say let’s just all rest together.
In the same way that I believe it’s crucial to expose baby to all kinds of food so that she doesn’t develop the typical kid-diet of macaroni and (soy)hot dogs, we’ve tried to expose her to all kinds of music that we love. I want her to hear it all and experience it and feel it and decide what she likes. Also, for reasons of sanity-preservation, I wanted to avoid too much traditional children’s music because Barney makes me suicidal and the Wiggles make me homicidal.
At some point, however, it became undeniable that the baby responds differently to actual children’s music than she does to our music. She does love the relaxing voice of Sarah Harmer and the bumping beats of the Black Keys, but when she hears Raffi, sister gets happy. Universe help me she really does like that sing-song, repetitive, goofy shit.
The next step was finding some children’s music that a) I could stomach and b) had some kind of learning involved.
I know she’s still a baby, but everyone tells me to talk to her like she understands everything. I am applying that same principle to music. I want her to hear lyrics that are fun, funny and have meaning. I’m setting the bar very high, I know.
Luckily I’ve found The Might Be Giants very early on, an experimental alternative band turned children’s music factory. Perfect. Our favorite album so far is Here Comes Science. Lovers all of things rational, educational, comical and musical will be forced to agree.
Although I may have struggled (cheated?) my way through the more difficult bits of chemistry, I’ve always loved science and excelled at it in school. That being said, I have actually had moments of learning (remembering?) while listening to this album. In ‘Meet the Elements’ I am told ‘silicone and oxygen make concrete bricks and glass’….say whaaaaaaaaaa? In ‘Why Does the Sun Really Shine?’ we learn ‘the sun is a miasma of incandescent plasma’ (note to self: must find more ways to use the word ‘miasma’) and ‘the sun is a red dwarf, I hope it never morphs.’ Me toooooooooooo!
The title track isn’t the most educational, but it has the peppy beat that our baby loves so much and lyrics that made mom and dad smile.
Science is real
From the Big Bang to DNA
Science is real
From evolution to the Milky WayI like the stories
About angels, unicorns and elves
Now I like those stories
As much as anybody elseBut when I’m seeking knowledge
Either simple or abstract
The facts are with science
The facts are with science
M.O.M. Past
My sister came from Norway last week to visit the baby and I in Japan while Dave was on the road to South Korea. We squeezed in as much quality time, sightseeing, and eating as we could into 6 short days.
On her first, and in all likelihood last, trip to Japan I wanted to show Alley local spots that she would always remember. Like the hole in the wall where we ate ramen or the grocery store where she finally understood what made me vomit on my first week here. And finally, the hot spring, or onsen, where we got naked with a bunch of strangers.
It’s not like I’ve never been naked in public before. The nuclear family we were raised in wasn’t exactly on a commune, but nudity wasn’t a big deal and prudes we are not. And my previous experiences abroad have shown me that, by in large, Americans are quite unique in the world in our simultaneous obsessions with sex/nudity/sexualizing everything AND modesty/chastity/body shame. We are a confused people.
Taking a naked sauna with your husband and any countless number of Germans of both genders one thing. But for some reason it was something totally different when we headed to Yashio Onsen in Nikko National Park. I’m fine with being naked. I’m fine with being naked with my sister. My baby sees me naked all the time, but I was a little worried because…well…she has a bit of a breast fixation. Generally, when I don’t want her to think it’s snack time, I have to keep the ladies covered.
We arrived at the onsen after on a few *ahem* minor issues with navigation by my sister. Let’s just say she didn’t get her sense of direction from me or my dad. We got our tickets, took off our shoes and headed into the locker room. And lockers can mean baskets, meaning we trust people not to steal our underpants. What a country!
When you enter the spa area, you queue up for a shower. In Japan it’s common to shower sitting on a stool (which I did not kn0w when I arrived here, making me very confused initially by the mirror at crotch level in our shower at home), and at the spa this is how it’s done. You sit down on a stool with a hole in the middle, presumably to let water flow through, just after some other lady removed her own naked butt from the same stool. It all seems kind of wrong but…when in Nikko, do as the Nikkoans! After you scrub yourself VIGOROUSLY, you’re set to go. There is an outdoor hot spring in a bowl of boulders, an indoor spa with jets, a long, still indoor spa, a dry sauna, a wet sauna (to me this means steam room?) and an outdoor courtyard where you can cool down. Nude.
The onsen is said to have healing properties for body aches, joint pain, and is even considered a treatment for some chronic illnesses. I don’t know about all that, but my sister’s mysterious leg pain was cured after our soak in the volcanic waters. However, she also believed the multivitamin my mom was giving her for years was a sleeping pill (and it really did put her to sleep), so we have to assume she is very susceptible to the placebo effect.
Overall the experience was really, really enjoyable. The water was really warm, but not really hot unless you got close to where it was entering the spa. The baby is generally a fan of water (especially when heated to a temperature of her liking) but she really went BANANAS for the hot spring. She was squealing, kicking her legs like a little frog and splashing. Splashing a lot. Which probably would have annoyed the mostly older ladies in our company, but seriously this baby is so cute. Smiling away, loving life with her big blue eyes and her little bum so cute in the nylon pink and purple swim diaper…it was kawaiiiiiiiiii kawaiiiiiiiiiii all over that spa. She was so overwhelmingly absorbed in all the sights and sounds of the room and the thrill of being in a tub of water she never even considered trying to grab a snack from my top half. Thank goodness.
Watching your sister and your daughter read together, falling more in love all the time.
Seeing them ‘play’ together while my sister sleeps through my baby’s finger up her nose. Let’s blame the jet-lag combined with her inheritance of my dad’s ability to sleep deeply under any circumstance.
And realizing their shared affection for (faux)fur stoles.
Watching your sister’s adventurous spirit at the sushi restaurant turn into a battle against vomiting at the table.
Having to cut your sister off at karaoke because she has a little too much enthusiasm for screaming ballads at the top of her voice.
We had an amazing time together this week. Just me, my sister, and my daughter, a really rare chance to be just the three of us. Thanks, Al, for traveling all the way from Norway to Japan and back. We love you.
One year ago I was 35 weeks pregnant, feeling great, a life inside my body, comfortable with knowing how much I didn’t know. Today I have a 47 week old baby, a person, a personality, a life in my hands as she tries to roll like a ninja off the couch. 
Hard to believe in that belly, that bump, that bulge I loved so much lived this person, all curled up, waiting to keep me awake at least once per night for 11 consecutive months. The joys of it all are hard to describe.
