It’s All Connected

Blame it on astrological happenstance (I’m a hot-headed, two-sided Gemini), genetic predisposition or perhaps some mild form of mental illness, but the fact stands that I generally have two emotions. The first one is called ‘up’ and consists of singing, dancing, laughing and loud-talking. The second is called ‘down’ and involves moping, intermittent sleeping and loud-talking. I can’t help the polarity of my feelings and they manifest in many ways. For example:

I hate technology.

I love technology.

See what I mean?

Firstly, I hate technology because it makes everyone obesessed with being connected all the time. I’ve been sitting in a conversation with someone to have them pick up their constantly beeping phone and reply to a text message. Making sounds like ‘MmmHmmm’ and ‘Yep, yep’ while beep-booping away on your key pad does NOT make me think you are a good listener. I hate that being without internet for 10 days made me feel like I wasn’t connected to the world. Phones, newspapers, books and human conversation should be enough stimuli, no? I hate that people spend more on special televisions than I spent on my first car, and that said TV’s have started to replace art over fireplaces all over North America. I hate that not having a cell phone makes me an inconvenient freak among my friends. I hate that children are getting repetitive stress injuries from playing video games instead of skinned-knees from playing outside. In my honest opinion, actually rough-housing with actual children is better than virtually blowing the enemy to smithereens.

I love technology because it makes my transient life so much lighter. I can shop, bank and correspond all at once. I love technology because it can make us safer, and kept this man from lingering for a long, long time in an Egyptian prison. I like that a GPS navigational system is hands-free and speaks aloud, easily winning out over a crumpled Mapquest printout that leads me the wrong way down a one way street. I like renewing my library books online and checking the weather every hour on the hour for any location in the world. Without the internet I would lose touch with friends, current events and *gasp* English speaking television. The horrors! My dog can be tracked with a chip implanted in his shoulder, all you have to do is run him over a grocery-store like scanner. Did you know that robots can do virtually any job that a human of average intelligence can do? It’s true.

At the end of this internal discussion (which is much, much longer when played out in my head), it’s always a draw. I want to be connected, and have the option to disconnect without everyone (*ahem*, mom) freaking out they can’t get a hold of me immediately. I want a robot car like KITT from Knight Rider but I don’t want a robot who tries to hug me like Haley Joel Osmet in A.I. I want a navigation system to help me find my way, but sometimes I want to shut that thing down and get a little lost just for fun. I don’t want an electronic toothbrush, ever.

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