My Marriage Is Slightly Ajar

It seems every co-habitating couple, whether they be spouses, lovers, friends or blood relatives, has a list of peeves regarding the idiosyncrasies of the other. Seeing as this is my blog, it would seem appropriate that I ignore my own annoying habits and focus on those of the other(s) that I live with. If you can’t paint a rosy picture of your self as a flawless, always cheerful bundle of joy on your own blog, what chance will you ever have?

But alas, today I blog to admit to you that Dave’s number one complaint about me is not only real, but hugely annoying. Even to myself. For years Dave has always cited my inability to close drawers/cupboards/cabinets as his biggest peeve whenever we have those half-joking, half-threatening conversations with other friends about the follies of living with another human. It’s not that I open the drawer/cupboard/cabinet completely and then just walk away. It’s that I close the cabinet almost completely, leaving roughly 1-4 inches of space. And that tiny margin is apparently just enough to push Dave near the edge of insanity.

Until recently, I balked at the idea that I was this annoying. And that I was so absent minded that I could possibly be whirling through the house leaving drawers/cupboards/drawers partially ajar. In response to all my indignance, Dave started graciously pointing out when a door was ajar. “See, honey, this is what I was talking about.” And I’d laugh. Give me a break! Anyone could have done that! You, for instance! Or Falcor…he’s very sneaky! But me? Doubtful. Very doubtful.

In response to my continued and more defiant indignance, Dave started pointing out every ajar drawer/cupboard/cabinet with a bit less grace. He would follow me through the kitchen silently but angrily closing what I had left open. There was heavy sighing, raised eyebrows, condescending tones. And I replied with eye rolling. In other words, this was a very high level, adult discussion on household matters. I continued to find it hard to believe I was so willy-nilly with closing since I’m usually quite strict about tidiness. And I justified that even if the odd drawer/cupboard/cabinet was left slightly open, it was nothing compared to wet towels on the bed or jam in the pantry (jam goes in the FRIDGE, I don’t care what country we are in).

And then one day last week, I sat in the kitchen of my parent’s house eating my daily bowl of tomato soup while my sister prepared her lunch. And after she took a plate from the cupboard she closed it…almost. And when she grabbed a fork from the drawer she closed that, too…nearly. And this pattern continued throughout the kitchen until 4 or 5 drawers/cupboards/cabinets were left slightly ajar. I was flabbergasted. And when I pointed it out to my sister, she looked at me in complete and genuine confusion. She, too, had no idea she was doing this dastardly deed. This is apparently a genetic disorder, although I assume it is recessive since my mom would rather die than leave drawers open.

So I started to pay attention to myself. I found myself stopping each drawer/cupboard/drawer before it was completely closed. Purposely pulling back. And I realized in my head it made sense…having the door slightly ajar would make it easier to reopen if I needed something else. Tomorrow. What the hell is wrong with me?

And so I’m here today, on my own blog, pleading guilty to literally thousands of counts of slightly ajar drawers/cupboards/cabinets. David, I’m sorry. This doesn’t mean I forgive the wet-towel-on-bed or jam-in-pantry incidents of the past, but it does mean that I am equally as annoying. If not more so, because I really copped an attitude for a while during my ‘denial’ phase. The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem, right?

One thought on “My Marriage Is Slightly Ajar

  1. Oh please don’t develop OCD! Very funny post today, it’s amazing what annoys us about sharing space with other humans. Seriously, bread crumbs attract mice, Phil – clean it up!Me on the other hand – I should get a tissue and stop sniffing when I have a dribbly nose.

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