As if I didn’t have enough to keep me up at night, I found out earlier this week that we are all going to die ‘Deep Impact’ style in 2036. Turns out a massive asteroid is going to whiz by in 2029 to taut us, only to swing back and possibly land right on top of us. I’m deadly serious.
So in addition to my nocturnal obsession with earthquakes, tsunamis, nuclear war and an especially virulent strain of the flu, I now have an actual date on which to fixate. But something is bothering me more than the actual impact of asteroid to earth. I can always hoard pills with which to end it all if it comes to that, after the dust cloud covers the Sun leading to an ice
age which will cause immeasurable suffering. So I’m covered on that front.
What bothers me is that NO ONE else is worrying about this. No one except for me and some astronomers. When I brought this up, as a means of helpful warning, to my girlfriends at dinner on Friday, they told me that I could also be hit by a bus tomorrow. True, but that’s why I look both ways before I cross the road, to minimize that risk! I realize there are other pressing issues. But if you think about it, it won’t really matter if we save the manatees or cure cancer if we’re going to be smashed to bits in 27 years. All I’m saying is, CNN is constantly running their ticker with Britney Spears gossip and only covers about three other mildly interesting stories on a rotation for the rest of the day I’m thinking they should halt the ticker completely, zoom in REALLY close on Anderson Cooper’s face, and have him scream, “We’re all going to die! In 2036 if not sooner!” That might really get the attention of some people and then we can all put our heads together and try to figure this thing out. And while we are plotting, let’s make a plan B, C, and maybe even D in case the first thing we chose didn’t work. I’ve seen too many people die in doomsday movies simply over the lack of a back-up plan.
This may all sound like the paranoid ravings of a crazy woman. But this guy
, while oddly intelligent, isn’t just a lady with too much time to think about potential blockbuster-worthy disasters. Neil deGrasse
Tyson has a really great sense of humor considering that in this speech he’s talking about an asteroid landing 500km west of Santa Monica in the ocean creating a tsunami unfathomable to most people. I’d laugh if I wasn’t terrified. Please watch this before you prescribe me some Zanex