All Locked Down

As much as I’d like to tell you my days are filled with glamorous lunches with ladies, or even dedicated hours spent at the gym, mostly it’s consumed by the ins and outs of getting my baby to sleep. She is, knock on so much wood (SO MUCH WOOD), not much problem in the sleep department. When I feel like she needs a nap I swaddle her (a nice way of saying I pin her arms down) put on some lullabies and then just lay her there. She stares at the ceiling for a while, makes some grunts and squirms a bit and then, eventually, on a good day, she falls asleep.

During that time I like ‘get things done.’ Sometimes that means catching up on blogs I read or watching re-runs of Supernatural or maybe accidentally falling asleep on the couch with the dogs as a blanket and the baby monitor as a pillow. But sometimes I fold laundry, vacuum, pay bills, or do a few lazy crunches while thinking of the dreaded bathing suit season.

Last week when the baby finally fell asleep, I was in a particularly motivated state. Dave had just left for the rink, the dogs were tired from a nice long walk, and the quiet was overwhelming. So, in hopes of keeping her from stirring too early, I shut the door. And along with the normal ‘clunk’ of the door shutting I hear ‘click’ of the door locking. From the inside. Not good.

Initially, I didn’t panic. Our apartment has the kind of doors that do lock from inside but have a hole on the outside of the knob. If you stick the appropriately sized item in the hole, you can unlock the door. I know this because we have the same doors at my parent’s cabin back home, and my sister used to lock herself in there a few times a day while screaming ‘I hate all of you. ALL OF YOU!’ or maybe ‘I’m never coming out. NEVER!’ We had to get her out of there somehow.

So I went to the kitchen, searching for an item of the appropriate size.  A chopstick? Too big. A piece of wire? Too small. The inside of a pen? Usually PERFECT. But it didn’t work. And the panic started setting in.

I called Dave. I didn’t want to, but I had to.

me: I locked the baby in the room.

him: What room?

me: The room she is sleeping in.

him: Why did you lock the door? (implying perhaps I am stupid)

me: (feeling that I may be stupid) Well I didn’t, but someone (one of the dogs?) must have turned it, and it’s locked now.

him: I’m on my way back.

Meanwhile, I began disassembling the lock. The baby monitor indicated that the baby was still sleeping soundly, but somehow I was starting to believe the monitor wasn’t working and she was behind the door feeling abandoned, awake and surrounded by sharp objects and choking hazards. My logical self knew she was safely swaddled, in her bed, unconscious. My logical self was losing the battle in my mind.

When Dave got home, in a flustered flurry of a) panic over our baby being locked in a room and b) panic over being late for his game, he finished disassembling the lock, called for pliers much like a surgeon might ask for a scalpel, and opened the door. Crisis over. Disaster averted.

This parenting thing? I’ve got it locked down.

8 thoughts on “All Locked Down

  1. Bobby pin? I always use to use a bobby pin when my brother locked the door. For years he didn’t know how I got in, for years he just didn’t know what a bobby pin was. Makes sense.

    I love the part where you’re imagining her surrounded and having access to choking hazards… Hahaha! I can imagine you imagining this. Love you both, glad you’re safe. Sounds like we’ve all exprienced some crazy ‘locked down’ situations lately!

  2. Bobby pins are a great idea, unfortunately she sleeps in our room, and they are all in our bathroom. LOCKED UP! I should keep one in each room just for safety. And to annoy Dave 🙂

  3. I use a metal hanger, works like a charm!! I often accidentally lock the bathroom door. And we only have ONE bathroom. Not good. Clearly, it’s Zoey playing tricks on me…

    1. You are so right Stace, that would have worked brilliantly! Again though, the wire hangers that the dry cleaning comes on…in our bedroom. Which is where baby currently sleeps. So poorly planned!

  4. oh wow I have day-mares about doing this, except it’s when I leave my apartment (baby monitor in hand) to check the mail or the laundry. Usually I have to take my keys with me just to reassure myself.

    Or the car. I have day-mares about locking her in the car.

    Other things I have day-mares about:
    -losing my hold on the stroller while walking down a hill
    -the baby-harness in the stroller failing while walking down a hill, sending baby tumbling down the hill
    -being hit by a car in a crosswalk while walking with baby
    -falling down the stairs while carrying baby

    hunh. these all seem to involve walking. wonder what that’s about.

    aside: your baby falls asleep if you just swaddle her and lay her down??!!?….yeah you better keep knockin on that wood, cause you are luuuucky

    1. Fran, doesn’t your stroller have one of those straps for your wrist that would keep it from getting away from you? If mine didn’t, my baby would have been down a hill a long time ago! And trust me, I knock knock knock all day long.

  5. Laughed out loud at this one. Dave would be good at solving this problem though as many a time when I really pissed him off I locked myself in our bathroom only to face his wrath as he picked the lock and attacked!

  6. Love this! You are so funny. It’s comforting to know I’m not the only one doing this sort of irrational thinking. H’s bedroom has a balcony so I often had a fear that I didn’t shut the balcony door after airing out his room and he’s in their sleeping with frigid wind or debris flying all around. Ha! Now I have a checks and balances system for almost everything (ie before shutting front door check for keys, before shutting car door check for keys) Do I sound crazy? I think I may be…. 🙂

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