Dear Westminster Dog Show,

You can go straight back to hell where you came from. Usually I say things like that with heavy amounts of sarcasm (but with serious dagger eyes, to keep people guessing) but this time I mean it sincerely. As an organization you are rotten, spoiled, sad and disgusting.

But wait squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee those dogs are so cute! NO. No. Must not get distracted. You bastards.

As much as I love tuning in to dog shows (and mockumentaries about dog shows) for the pomp and circumstance, dog-ball fondling and of course the wonderfully beautifully cute dogs themselves, the much famed and acclaimed Westminster show is now dead to me. DEAD TO ME.

You might not have heard, but this year Westminster ended their longstanding ties with Pedigree as the show sponsor because the Pedigree commercials encouraging the adoption of shelter dogs started to make them feel shitty for having over-priced purebred dogs. Guilt is the worrrrrrrrrrrst, am I right Westminster?

Or, more specifically:  “Our show is a celebration of dogs… When we’re seeing puppies behind bars, it takes away from that. Not just because it’s sad, but it’s not our message.

So it’s not just because the commercials give them a sad, but that’s part of it…sadness is for poor people! Poor people with disgusting mixed breed dogs! But it’s the message they are worried about. Your message being…any dog that isn’t a purebred is a waste of space? Of money? Of love?

Or maybe I’m taking it too far. Maybe they don’t mind the existence of dog shelters and rescue dogs, but it’s just that thinking about it and feeling compelled to do something about it bugs them. Doing something takes time. And they have a busy schedule of squeezing anal glands and blow-drying dog hair. Doing something takes resources, and aren’t they really doing ALL dogs a favor by spending thousands of dollars on ONE dog? I mean really people. Inbreeding never has negative consequences, just ask all the hemophiliacs that Queen Victoria spawned!

The truth is that dog shows love to act like they are exclusive, but in truth they will accept purebred papers from virtually ANY breeder, which is also a code word for ‘puppy mills.’ As you know, you can buy a purebred puppy mill dog for bargain basement prices, so it’s not specifically the COST of a dog that matters to them. Just that it didn’t come from a dirty shelter and you didn’t have to consider your conscience or ethics before buying it. Hooray for dogs! (spoiler alert: an estimated 25% of dogs in shelters are purebreds…)

Naturally, I have a soft spot for rescued animals since my own beloved Enid and Falcor (and my former may they rest in peace cats Sweet Pea and Potato) were themselves sad, imprisoned, soon-to-be dead shelter dogs at one point.

For $76.50 each I adopted two dogs with street cred, questionable lineage and hearts of gold. Best investment ever.

One thought on “Dear Westminster Dog Show,

  1. I’m with you Lane, although Zo is a purebred (she is NO better than anyone else, I tell her that EVERYDAY, we are ALL equal), our next dog will be a rescue dog, and I will love that dog the way I love my Zo, the way you love your E and F.
    My Popeye (Grandpa) always had what most people would call “mutts”, but he said, “You’re wrong. They’re Canadian.”
    You don’t know love, until you know love from a dog (and a child, but for now, Zo is my child). I truly believe that.

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