The past few weeks (months!?) since we left Japan have had some tense moments. The time between one season ending and figuring out where you will be (or, at this point in Dave’s career, whether you will still be playing hockey at all) the next season is always stressful. People around me sometimes say ‘This really seems to be stressing you out.’ And then I say ‘Yes.’ And so far my main coping mechanism for that stress is just being really stressed out and with occasional outbursts of rage. Is this not working for everyone else around me?
It always seems like the lead-up to the signing of the contract is when the stress peaks. Dave holds all the information, which he readily shares of course, but sometimes I just want to grab the phone or hack into his email account and TAKE THIS SHIZ INTO MY OWN HANDS. This lack of control over the flow of information almost certainly contributes to my anxiety. Meanwhile Dave is feeling the pressure of being our family’s sole breadwinner while listening to the ticking clock of his hockey career and fearing the thereafter. All this adds up to us being a bit testy with each other and doing tons of behind the back eye-rolling. Or is that just me?
Also, did I mention all this is going on while living in my mom’s house (with occasional trips to Dave’s mom’s house) and searching (so far quite unsuccessfully) for a house of our own? So there is that.
Once the decision has been made, no matter how hard the decision-making itself, such a weight has been lifted. We love life again and we have a little, temporary certainty in our lives and it feels so good. We usually eat ice cream to celebrate.
Nothing like ice cream to make me feel lighter.