My bucket list, a work in progress.
1. Sing into a microphone. I have neither a very nice voice nor a particular audience to target, but this thought has always terrified me and so it must be done. Minimum number of drinks required before I can cross this item off my bucket list: 4.
2. Dive off a diving board. Wait, what? Yes. I can’t dive. I can stand at the edge of a pool or a dock, and bend alllllll the way over in a sort of diving-ish position and …fall into the water. Also, I like to plug my nose while doing that. Also, I’m terrified the whole time. I’m pretty much humiliated by this, and since I’m a lover of the water it seems like I should get on this. Stat. I want to be able to JUMP off a springy diving board and DIVE into the water. No belly flops.
3. Publish a novel. Or two. Probably should have done it already. Working on it now. Times two. Stay tuned for a collaborative fictional memoir and a feminist sci-fi post-apocolyptic novel. Dead serious.
4. Grow my hair reallllly long. Just so long you guys. Like a mermaid. But not long-enough-to-be-used-as-toliet-paper length. Just more like a Pantene commercial. I always get this urge to cut it. And then I give in. What would it feel like to have a really long braided ponytail? I do not know but I must find out.
5. Attend a writer’s conference. Need to. Maybe this one? Because it’s in New York City? That seems writer-ish. I can be the anti-Carrie Bradshaw, wearing TOMS and not smoking ever.
6. Attend a feminist conference. Have to. I’m willing to fly, have up to 2 connecting flights, and use my passport to get there. I dream of a place where I could talk about how annoying laundry detergent commercials are without anyone rolling their eyes. Perhaps someone would even yell out AMEN! A place where I am not the most liberal person in the room. A place where I can be me. A girl can dream.
7. A spa retreat. Hopefully in a really amazing location. For at least 2 nights. Where I partake in all the treatments. Especially that one where someone is walking on my back. And then I go to sleep with no chance of being woken up by screams of ‘Mama!’ or ‘Lane, where do we keep the <thing he should know the location of>?’
8. Train with a professional boxer. The experience of my friend Caitlin and the body of Hilary Swank after that one really depressing movie are all the motivation I need for this.
9. Go to an Olympic Opening Ceremony. This seems like something we should do with our little V when she is a bit older, so she and any other Canadian-American humans we create can wear a shirt (I’ve already designed them in my mind, note to self: learn to sew) that is half American flag, half Canadian flag and probably have their faces painted. Bringing children decked out so gloriously would be the perfect cover for ME to go absolutely bananas cheering for athletes while Dave sobbed with the emotion of it all as he usually does through any Olympic event.
10. Meet my favorite blogging friends. The internet has led me to some amazing friends. I am so lucky to have been able to meet a few of them ‘in real life.’ The connections we can make online, when used for good and not evil, can lead us to people who are SO like us and SO interesting but who we never would have met otherwise. Over the last 6 or so years I’ve created connections and friendships that really do add to my life, and it always feels so good to hug a person in the flesh. I’ve been lucky to meet Caitlin, Abby, Wai-San, Emily, and more but my online persona still needs to have a sit down with Liz, Aisling, Jelena and more recent discoveries like vegeater, Meeka’s mommy and Dominick.
11. Meet my favorite famous bloggers. Besides the friends I’ve made through my personal blog, I follow some really popular blogs written by some very intelligent people. The blogosphere is full of a lot of garbage, but there is also a lot of really interesting, thought-provoking discussion going on and when I stumble upon some I cling to it like a baby monkey on it’s mother. These are like celebrity crushes for me. I’d love to sit down with Andrea from bluemilk or Jay Smooth from Ill Doctrine, probably with notes and hopefully with alcohol. All my questions, finally answered! I would play it realllll cool, I promise, but in my head I’d probably be panic-screaming ‘omgomgomgomg’ like a tween meeting Bieber. Are tweens still into Bieber?
12. Visit Iceland. Because my friend Emily is basically the best Iceland advocate they could have ever want. Read this and this and this then tell me you don’t want to book the next flight to Reykjavik.
13. Attend Comi-Con. Now that I’m a confident, grown woman I am no longer in hiding over my love of sci-fi. I have loved it for so very long, and used to pretend I was watching 90210 like my friends when really I was watching Earth 2 or Seaquest or Star Trek: The Next Generation. It makes me sad to think I felt embarrassed about that. I was following all the news about this year’s Comic-Con and saw that Neil DeGrasse Tyson was even there?! AHHHHH! I’m missing all the fun stuff! Decades removed from having to hide paperbacks with aliens on the cover, I’d love to immerse myself in a room of people interested in the fun of fantasy. Also, science is the only thing that will save us. Just saying.
14. Own a home. I actually do not believe that owning a home is ‘the American dream.’ I don’t think home-ownership makes sense for everyone. But for us, in the town where we hope to live, it’s basically impossible to rent for a family with dogs who don’t want to live a dump. Sad, but true. I want to own some walls so I can put nail holes in them to hang all my pictures. I want to mow the lawn so my dogs have a nice place to pee. I want put up some wallpaper that will make me seem dated when someone else wants to buy it in 20 years.
15. Visit every continent minus Antarctica. No offense Antarctica, but I get it. It’s cold. And beautiful. And I’m not against cold beauty (see Iceland above) but I just really don’t have a good feeling about a trip that far into the nowhere of Iceburg town. As of now, I still have to hit up Austrailia, South America and Africa. We’ve got family in Melbourne, friends in Equador…looking for a host in an African country. Better start a penny jar because our frequent flyer miles are just not going to cut it.