Music On Monday: Foolish Games

The last few weeks have been difficult for me. Dave left. My motivation dropped off. My fatigue increased. My ability to make decisions fell sharply. And while those who are close to me are probably sick to death of the when to leave and what to do, the question of travel logistics is only part of my problem. The rest of my frazzled mind is left with more existential and less pressing issues of identity and productivity and professional ambition and long-term stability. Meanwhile I mold the mind of America’s future all day and keep the furry hearts of my dogs all night.

Whenever I have angst, I tend to turn inward. Occasionally I’ll run or walk or talk it out, but mostly I brood and let my eyes fill with tears just enough to blink them away and eat more chocolate. I go to bed early and read books that bring me comfort and listen to music.

A couple of nights ago I felt particularly sorry for myself after a fight with my sister that included my catchphrase from 1997 ‘No one understands me!’ and I was reminded of the anthems of that same era. Jewel. Oh Jewel. I would listen to her music WHILE reading her book of poetry.  For real. I loved her voice. Her lyrics. The way it seemed she understood my problems, when in reality no one could understand how the issues of a teenage girl in one of the happiest homes in middle America could be considered problems. Jewel got me through mean-girl depression. Through my first love, which ended in my first heartbreak. Through the whole mess of disturbing events that is high school. I loved her then. I love her still.

For those of you who need a heart-hug today, a treat from my formative years.

5 thoughts on “Music On Monday: Foolish Games

  1. OK, so just before reading this, I opened iTunes to buy the sountrack to Singles… that was my high school/first deep love to a guy in a band/heartbreak and miss his sweet voice music. I rarely find that people get me. What’s great about that is that we are ahead in our tracks. What sucks about that it that is can be lonely, sad, frustrating… when all you want to be is YOURSELF! Keep being you, shaping that child into her own and being loved by those who love and get you most. I promise to do the same. When you feel your most vulnerable, that’s when you know you’re on to something. Go with it. Dont go with the ‘tribal belief’ necessarily, but what your heart says. What is your gift to the world? Find it and share it. Those who support you and your beliefs will come your way. Look how we met (yet have only really met once)… I getcha girl 😉 And, I appreciate your continual self inquiry and exploration of feelings, purpose and your passions! Love from the moutains of Colorado, xo

  2. Whoa, Jewel, I don’t think I have listened to this song since high school but she is awesome and I may have had a crush on her…may still after watching that.

    Sorry for the stress and confusion but I hope you find clarity within or with a little help from your friends! It looks like you have a strong one above and a great husband to boot.

  3. I read once that we don’t make big decisions, they happen in us and we simiply carry them out. It helps me when I get lost in agonising over the crossroads, the future and all the other big, scary stuff. Focus on what is right in front of you, let the big stuff simmer and shape inside and all will be well.

    A hug back at you :).

  4. Also a big Jewel fan. On a side note has Dave ever told you about the time I came into his room when he was about 16 and he was reading Jewel’s poetry book and listening to the Cranberries…clue #487…

    You and Dave were truly destined to be.

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